Babysitting Adventures
by TheDestinedApple
Summary: Mike forces Mal to take care of his little cousin. Won't this be fun...
1. Chapter 1

"Well, ONE of us has to do it."

"NO! Mike, it's your body, you should have to do it!"

"You've put me through hell, Mal, YOU should do it!"

Mike and Mal were bickering back and forth as they walked through the mindrealm. Sylvia, Mike's little cousin, needed a babysitter, and Mike's mother thought he would be the perfect choice. In truth, Mike really couldn't stand Sylvia, and since Mal had been so wicked in the past, he felt that he deserved to put up with the brat.

And plus, if something happened to Sylvia, he wouldn't have to take the blame. He was a terrible babysitter. He shuddered as he remembered Timmy... Yeah, maybe Mal would be better.

"Look, you need a punishment. You HAVE to babysit Sylvia."

"Or what?" Mal arched an eyebrow.

"Or I'll force you out whenever My Little Pony comes on for the rest of your life here."

Mal sighed in defeat. "Fine. But how do you know I won't burn the house down?"

"Because I'll be watching. And if you try to leave, hurt Sylvia, or destroy property, I'll force you to read a Malejandro fanfiction."

Mal's jaw dropped. "Those _exsist?"_

"Oh yes, my friend. There's even fanart! Here, I'll show you a sketch Svetlana made-"

"NO! THAT WON'T BE NESSECARY!"

"Good, then. Enjoy your job." MIke snapped his fingers, and a door appeared. He gave Mal a shove and pushed him into reality.

...

Mal blinked. He glanced down at his hands. He was solid.

Barely had the thoughts of what he could do formed in his mind when he realized he was here to babysit, not burn buildings.

_Shit._

He was snapped back to reality by a small figure plowing him to the ground. A blonde-haired girl around the age of nine had knocked him to the ground. All at once, she began jabbering.

"HiMikehowareyouI'msogladtoseeyouit'sbeenforeverIhaven'tseenyousincelastweekit'sbeensolongohmygoshIwantapplejuice!"

"_Get off me!" _Mal hissed, pushing her off him. As he straightened up, he could see why Mike had been so reluctant to do this. She just had this look that screamed, _I'M ANNOYING! _right from her unnaturally shiny braces to her- _Dear God, how did she fit so much glitter on one pair of shoes?!_

She looked up at him through thick glasses, then blinked. "You aren't Mike! You're the mean guy!"

"Yeah. He says I have to watch you. Believe me, I'd love to strangle you instead, but he blackmailed me."

"Oh." She blinked again, then broke into a huge grin. "So where's my apple juice?"

_I don't know, I left it with your mother last night. _"In the fridge, I guess... I mean, where else?"

"Get it, then!" She bounced on the tips of her toes.

Mal sighed, then made his way over to the kitchen. He figured that Mike had somehow implanted a map on the place into him before he sent him here, as he found it almost without thinking.

Opening the fridge, he glanced inside, then took out a jug of apple juice and placed it on the table.

"Here. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have violent movies to watch." Mal walked out, leaving her in the room alone.

...

"Hey, Manitoba." Mike walked over and sat down in a brain chair.

Manitoba was working on a crossword puzzle, for whatever reason. Without looking up, he said, "Shouldn't you be making sure Mal doesn't start a riot or something?"

"Trust me, he won't. I've made sure of that. I don't feel like watching Sylvia more than I have to."

"Nice. Hey, have you seen Svet?"

"No, I haven't..."

...

"DAMN IT! SVETLANA LACKS ZE ABILITY TO CAPTURE ZIS ROMANTIC SCENE BETWEEN MAL AND ALEJANDRO! ZIS IS RIDICULOUS! SVETLANA GIVES UP! IT'S OVERRATED ANYWAYS! NOCO IS BETTER!"

...

Mal was boredly flipping channels when Sylvia jumped him, pinning him flat on the couch.

"OHMYGOSHILIKEPUPPIESANDKITTENSANDRAINBOWSANDBABIESANDCANDYAND-"

"WOAH!" Mal sat up, his hands on her shoulders to stop her shaking. "What's up?"

"OH! I HAD SOME MOUNTAIN DEW AND A FEW SPOONFULS OF SUGAR AND-"

"MOTHER OF GOD, YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"  
"BUT I FEEL SO GOOD! LIKE I CAN GO ON FOREVER! RAAAAHHHHH!"

Mal's eyes widened as she jumped up and careened through the house.

_This is going to suck. Hard._


	2. Chapter 2

"Huh?"

Mal's vision took a minute to adjust to the sunlight pouring over the kitchen. How long had he been unconcious? He tried to lift his head from the table, but it was stuck. The sugary scent on the air told him that maple syrup was keeping a strong hold on his face, preventing him from moving.

"Hi!"

"Wha- Hey! _You!" _The little demon that society passed off as a child was next to him, peering into his face.

"Lemme up! This isn't funny!"

"Sorry, I can't!" she giggled. "See, I found my Momy's doctor supplies in her closet and I wanted to test them out. You can be my patient! Hold still!"

He tried to move but his efforts were futile. The kid had now produced a sharp metal object and was now bringing it toward his face.

He was going to have his eyes gouged out by a little brat. No. _Mike's _eyes were going to be gouged out, and he was going to take the pain for it. Where was the justice in that? The scapel was centimeters away- he was flailing hysterically- he could feel it touching his eyelashes-

"Hey, Sylvia!"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" She threw the scapel down and ran out of the room, appearing a second later with another small, dair-haired girl.

"Heyyyyyy, mean babysitter dude! This is my friend Jenny!"

"I, what?- oh!" With a huge tug and a horrible noise he peeled himself off the table. Rubbing his cheek, he blinked and immediately glared at the girls.

Wait just a minute.

There wasn't any hair covering his face.

Looking down his worst fears were confirmed; several dark locks were embedded in the syrup.

"Aw- WHAT DID YOU DO!? THAT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT DISTINGUISHED ME FROM THE REST OF THE ALTERS!"  
"Oh well," Sylvia said, "all's well that ends well."

"WHAT NO IT DOESN'T!" he screamed. "Just- HEY!"  
The kids had left.

...

With a pop Mal appeared in the mindrealm. He was welcomed with several sniggers.

"What is it now? OH GOSH DARN IT!" Apparently his hair loss stayed with him even in mental form. "This is ridiculous. Hey, wait a minute- shouldn't it be happening to you guys too?"

Each alter froze, then raised a hand to their head.

"Eh yo- how's da Vito to be gettin' da ladies with a bald spot, yo?"

"SVETLANA'S CAMEO IN HER NOCO COMIC SERIES SHALL BE RUINED! _RUINED!" _

Chester shrugged.

"Bet you all wish you had a hat right about now, eh?" Manitoba adjusted his hat smugly.

"Aw, come ON! My HAIR!" Mike cried. "This is ridiculous! What'll Zoey think? What'll-"

"Mike," Mal spat, "shut up now or I swear I will take control and _fuck Zoey senseless. _Look, I'm done with this babysitting thing. I am _out._" He turned and began to stride across the mindrealm. He only stopped when he found a piece of paper on the ground.

"What the- _The Adventures of Mal and Al? _What's this- OH MY GOD!" Mal dropped the sketch and dropped to the ground, sobbing hysterically.

"I think this is our cue to let him go back out." Mike opened up a portal and pushed Mal back into reality.

...

"Is he okay?"

The two girls looked over at their babysitter, who was rocking back and forth in the corner.

"You know what'll make you feel better, Mal?" Sylvia said, then paused dramatically.

"A UNICORN PARTY!"


End file.
